Bad Romance Novel Opening Lines

15> "He snapped my bra like a Concord taking off, and I was unhooked for love."

14> "Yes, she was a woman who had once been a man, but she still knew how to flutter her eyelashes as well as those other hussies."

13> "The heaving waves on the vast, ink-black ocean sent a salty spray over the proud bow of the three-masted ship, leaving beads of water on the exposed alabaster skin above the bodice of the tall, raven-haired woman who stood sobbing on the deck, her salty tears mixing with the storm-tossed sea."

12> "Scarlet's hair was as red as my persistent canker sore."

11> "Nicolette let the silk blouse fall from her shoulders, wrapped her left leg around John and deftly cut some cheese."

10> "Robert was new at this prison thing, and he felt frightened and confused. But the moment he laid eyes on #472825994, he became a prisoner of love."

9> "Sam liked to hump."

8> "Though flanked by two swarthy state troopers, Paula found her gaze drawn to the chubby saxophonist."

7> "It was a dark and horny night."

6> "Gentle cascades of vermilion poured over Daphne's heaving, lily-white bosom. 'Call 911, Scooby,' she breathed."

5> "His flatulence reared up like a proud stallion."

4> "'Miss Savannah, is there room for both of us in that hoop skirt?' Chandler mocked with a slight bow and a sweep of his top hat."

3> "Within minutes of their meeting, Representatives Beth (D-Florida) and Eric (R-Montana) lumbered into the bedroom where soon the unmistakable sounds of wet, naked bodies engaged in a sexual congress were heard."

2> "He smelled of pork. Rotting pork, in fact, and lots of it."

and the Number 1 Bad Romance Novel Opening Line...

1> "Omaha Beach, 0800 Hours: reinforcements from 2nd Panzer Korps arrive, their well-muscled young torsos glistening with man-dew."

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spunge@spunge.org
Added: 8-30-97
http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/416.html