The Top 16 Differences Under President Cindy Crawford

16> War on Drugs joined by War on Dull, Lifeless Hair.

15> President's residence now repainted and known as the "Teal House" from Labor Day to Memorial Day.

14> Even with a Cabinet *full* of Baldwins, still can't get anyone to watch the State of the Union address.

13> Paula Jones's sexual harassment lawsuit gets a LOT more coverage.

12> Her 10-point "Compact with America" bill will ensure that every citizen is entitled to a non-shiny forehead.

11> Russia's deficits soar as Boris Yeltsin outbids the Chinese for a year lease on the Lincoln Bedroom.

10> "Having a bad hair day" is a viable murder defense.

9> National meal for Thanksgiving changed from turkey and dressing to parakeet and croutons.

8> "The Mole" no longer refers to a Soviet spy.

7> Independent Counsel repeatedly focuses investigations on the President's dirty laundry.

6> Bill Clinton now sneaking *in* to White House at 4 a.m.

5> At start of joint session addresses, sergeant-at-arms now barks "Mr. Speaker, the President of the United States! In a lovely chiffon gown with baby-doll neckline, accented with a breathtaking diamond solitaire pendant!"

4> Mr. Blackwell becomes FBI director; "worst dressed" lists start popping up in post offices nationwide.

3> Typical state dinner menu: celery, a rice cake, and Tab.

2> Citizens finally stop complaining about ridiculously short jogging shorts.

and the Number 1 Difference Under President Cindy Crawford...

1> Sudden declaration of war on Germany and England eerily coincides with her catfight with Claudia and Naomi.

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spunge@spunge.org
Added: 7-16-97
http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/361.html