Cigarette Warnings Tobacco Executives Would Like to See
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Collage 359
Proposed new warnings for U.S. cigarette packs:
* Medical studies have proven you can still live with only one lung.
* Most forms of cancer are treatable at least for a while.
* This is only one of hundreds of products that are slowly killing
you.
* Smoking does not affect the fetuses of women who aren't pregnant.
* Refusing to inhale drastically reduces risk of lung cancer.
* Go ahead and drive or operate heavy machinery. It's perfectly
fine.
* Secondhand smoke only affects those who might breath it.
* Cigarettes don't kill, matches do.
* Nicotine is not addictive because you know you could quit if you
really wanted to.
* There have been no medical tests to conclusively prove smoking is
a teeth-staining, smelly, pukey habit. And we're not all that ready
to concede the tumor-causing part either.
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spunge@spunge.org
Added: 6-8-97
http://anduin.eldar.org/~ben/funny/html/136.html